the minister's kid
Let's be honest here.
When you're born into a family of preachers and ministers, there can be some expectations that go along with it. I grew up going to church my whole life. My dad was the youth minister at a few different churches, but the ones I remember as a kid are South Plains C of C in Lubbock, and our current church Hillcrest C of C here in Abilene. I remember growing up watching my parents teach and be mentors to the kids in their youth group. When we lived in Lubbock, my brother and I got to tag along on some of the youth group trips and events. I remember going to Pine Springs and Encounter, and so when I went as a teenager, people would come up to me and say, "Oh my goodness! I remember when you were just like this big! *gestures low to the ground*" or my favorite, "This is Jenae?! I remember when you had no hair!". I remember watching my parents and wanting to be just like them when I grew up.
When you're born into a family of preachers and ministers, there can be some expectations that go along with it. I grew up going to church my whole life. My dad was the youth minister at a few different churches, but the ones I remember as a kid are South Plains C of C in Lubbock, and our current church Hillcrest C of C here in Abilene. I remember growing up watching my parents teach and be mentors to the kids in their youth group. When we lived in Lubbock, my brother and I got to tag along on some of the youth group trips and events. I remember going to Pine Springs and Encounter, and so when I went as a teenager, people would come up to me and say, "Oh my goodness! I remember when you were just like this big! *gestures low to the ground*" or my favorite, "This is Jenae?! I remember when you had no hair!". I remember watching my parents and wanting to be just like them when I grew up.
Throughout my elementary and middle school days, I tried to be the best kid I could be. I was a teacher's pet, I went to church every Sunday and Wednesday, I did my homework (maybe with a groan here and there), I was what you would call a "goodie-two-shoes". I grew up learning how to act and what to do, and so I did it. I didn't know any different. I thought that's how everyone acted and was supposed to act. So when I was in school and kids would talk back to teachers or get sent to the principal's office, I just thought, "Wow, how can someone act that way?". Not everyone was born into a church family. Not everyone had parents who disciplined them and taught them the proper way to act.
Then I reached high school. Yes, middle school can "open your eyes" so to speak, but in high school things change. You start dating, driving, working, and even drinking or smoking. Failing classes actually has a bigger impact on your life. If you play sports, they take up your life. Even if you don't play sports, football games were something you didn't miss. I mean, come on, this is West Texas. Football is life. Not to mention the mountains of homework that you probably don't understand at all. And of course, where would you be without your best friends? You spend all day with them at school, why not spend the rest of the day with them, too?
So where does church fit in in all that? In high school, you start to wonder about this whole "church life". Some people stray, and some people stay. We all grow up believing whatever our parents believe. Whether they be super conservative, or they just don't care about church and this whole "God" thing. When we reach a certain age, our parents start to let us make our own choices about things. Should I see this movie? Should I date this person? Do I haaaave to go to church? Not only do we ask ourselves those questions, we let others influence us and our decisions. Satan has a way of creeping into our minds and giving us doubt, laziness, and trials.
When it comes to religion and God, it can be a touchy subject. Is God even real? What if some guy just wrote the Bible as a bunch of stories a long time ago? Where's the proof that He exists? If God is so mighty, why do bad things keep happening? I'm old enough to make my own decisions, I don't have to follow what my parents taught me growing up. Why should I? So and so said that they have their doubts, I'll just listen to them. I never stopped believing in God, but there was a period where I had some major doubts. Satan led me to the wrong people, and I just fed off of their doubt and their negativity towards God.
When we decide to make our own choices towards God and the church, we can't surround ourselves with people who will lead us in the opposite direction. But we also can't latch on to somebody else's opinion just because they are our parents or close friends. We can't just jump from our parents' religion to another person's religion. We have to develop our own faith. Now I'm not saying that we should just forget everything our parents taught us growing up about the church and change religions because "that church sounds fun". It is okay to stay where you always have been. When I got to the "Do I haaaave to go to church?" phase, I'll admit, I got annoyed when my parents said, "Uh, yes, you do."
When I got to college, I got lazy. If I had a long weekend of homework and hanging out with friends, my mind almost automatically went to I'm too tired to go to church tomorrow... Freshman year was great, but it was hard. It was when my health really started to just go downhill. I became discouraged and frustrated, and would end up having lots of bad nights, and I wouldn't go to church because I was up all night in pain and I didn't get any sleep. Most of the time, I would have my own bible study, just me and God. It was nice, but it wasn't the same. I wasn't with my family or friends worshiping all together. But I couldn't get out of bed, so why make myself feel guilty? Satan became very good at letting me use that as an excuse. My mom always told me, "Sometimes you just gotta get up, suck it up, and get up." when it came to school or church or just life in general. I'm still having a hard time with that. When I was in high school, I didn't have a problem getting up every day and having a life. I was a big part of the youth group and I felt like I really needed to be there as a leader to the underclassmen. But I was 18, in college, on my own, I only had myself to tell me what to do. I had never been in a situation where I felt like I had Mono every day, where it was hard to get out of bed because it hurt so much; where I was up all night, taking hot showers and stretching because my legs were in so much pain, pain that I had never felt before; where it became so easy to just sleep in on Sunday mornings.
That's the physical side. There's a spiritual side to it, too.
Not only was I tired physically, I was tired emotionally. My spirit couldn't take the pain, the frustration, the loneliness. How was I supposed to keep going? I tried and tried but I just couldn't do it anymore. I missed a lot of classes, and I didn't go to church as much as I should have. And I'm not saying "should have" as in Jenae, you should have gone to church, you know how this looks?, but as in I needed the fellowship, my family, the worship, the university class. Doing your own bible study is great, and I recommend doing it as much as you can, but there's a reason we gather together and worship together. We hold each other accountable, we encourage each other, we love each other. And I needed that so desperately. I was so discouraged, and had no idea where to go and what to do. Honestly, I got tired of faking it. I was angry with God and was tired of looking my fellow Christians in the eyes and saying, "Oh yes I'm fine! I'm doing a lot better!". Have you ever felt that way? It's exhausting.
All of this to say: when you're free the make your own choices, really think about the way it could affect you in the long run. We need God in our lives, there's no doubt about that. When we get to the point where we can make the decision to go to church or not, and not have to do what your parents say, we can abuse that free will. We can become complacent, and lazy, and not think it's a big deal. But it is! As Christians we need the fellowship. And not just once a month or every couple months. Especially in today's world, it's hard to go a day without seeing Satan's handiwork. But being with fellow Christians and believers every week is a way for us to fill our cup, and keep it full and overflowing. I thought I could do it all on my own. I thought that missing church wasn't a big deal, as long as I did my own thing, or listened to Christian music, and kept my mind positive. But that wasn't enough.
So what are you going to do, stay, or stray?
May you have patience and strength today,
Jenae
When I got to college, I got lazy. If I had a long weekend of homework and hanging out with friends, my mind almost automatically went to I'm too tired to go to church tomorrow... Freshman year was great, but it was hard. It was when my health really started to just go downhill. I became discouraged and frustrated, and would end up having lots of bad nights, and I wouldn't go to church because I was up all night in pain and I didn't get any sleep. Most of the time, I would have my own bible study, just me and God. It was nice, but it wasn't the same. I wasn't with my family or friends worshiping all together. But I couldn't get out of bed, so why make myself feel guilty? Satan became very good at letting me use that as an excuse. My mom always told me, "Sometimes you just gotta get up, suck it up, and get up." when it came to school or church or just life in general. I'm still having a hard time with that. When I was in high school, I didn't have a problem getting up every day and having a life. I was a big part of the youth group and I felt like I really needed to be there as a leader to the underclassmen. But I was 18, in college, on my own, I only had myself to tell me what to do. I had never been in a situation where I felt like I had Mono every day, where it was hard to get out of bed because it hurt so much; where I was up all night, taking hot showers and stretching because my legs were in so much pain, pain that I had never felt before; where it became so easy to just sleep in on Sunday mornings.
That's the physical side. There's a spiritual side to it, too.
Not only was I tired physically, I was tired emotionally. My spirit couldn't take the pain, the frustration, the loneliness. How was I supposed to keep going? I tried and tried but I just couldn't do it anymore. I missed a lot of classes, and I didn't go to church as much as I should have. And I'm not saying "should have" as in Jenae, you should have gone to church, you know how this looks?, but as in I needed the fellowship, my family, the worship, the university class. Doing your own bible study is great, and I recommend doing it as much as you can, but there's a reason we gather together and worship together. We hold each other accountable, we encourage each other, we love each other. And I needed that so desperately. I was so discouraged, and had no idea where to go and what to do. Honestly, I got tired of faking it. I was angry with God and was tired of looking my fellow Christians in the eyes and saying, "Oh yes I'm fine! I'm doing a lot better!". Have you ever felt that way? It's exhausting.
All of this to say: when you're free the make your own choices, really think about the way it could affect you in the long run. We need God in our lives, there's no doubt about that. When we get to the point where we can make the decision to go to church or not, and not have to do what your parents say, we can abuse that free will. We can become complacent, and lazy, and not think it's a big deal. But it is! As Christians we need the fellowship. And not just once a month or every couple months. Especially in today's world, it's hard to go a day without seeing Satan's handiwork. But being with fellow Christians and believers every week is a way for us to fill our cup, and keep it full and overflowing. I thought I could do it all on my own. I thought that missing church wasn't a big deal, as long as I did my own thing, or listened to Christian music, and kept my mind positive. But that wasn't enough.
So what are you going to do, stay, or stray?
May you have patience and strength today,
Jenae
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