To the girls not good enough
How many times have you asked yourself, Why am I not good enough?
If I had a nickel for every time I asked myself that, I'd have a lot of nickels. But why do we ask ourselves that? Why do we put ourselves through the torture of thinking how we could have done something better, or differently? "If only I had done _______." "If only I had tried harder." "I guess I'm just not pretty enough." "Well, I guess I'm just not good enough for him... But why?"
When we dwell on things that happen, nothing gets accomplished. So why do it? Does it make you feel better to put yourself down? To compare yourself to the girl who got the guy?
When I was in middle school, I had a crush on a guy at church. I was terrible at flirting, but I tried! Oh, there's an open chair next to you? Well, I think I'll just pop a squat and sit there, that way when we pray I can hold your hand. <-- That right there is middle school girl logic. I don't know if middle schoolers still think that way, but hey, it worked didn't it? So long story short, me and that guy never dated. He never returned the feelings I had, and I was crushed. Why doesn't he like me? How can SHE get a guy like that but I can't? So I started to do things differently. I would dress up a little more on Sundays and Wednesdays, to look "cute" for him. I'd actually style my hair, instead of just straightening it all the time. I would even ask my friends to let me sit on the end so maybe, just maybe, he would sit by me. This went on for a couple of years, and looking back now, I realize how much time I wasted trying to impress this one guy, because I didn't feel good enough.
This post isn't about trying to convince you how beautiful you are, and how you are good enough and pretty enough. Because let's be honest, just because a girl writes a blog and says you're good enough it doesn't mean it's going to automatically change the way you see yourself in relation to guys.
But I hope I can give you something to think about.
When we girls like a guy, we automatically think that we have to change our appearance and ourselves to "please" him. WHY. If he can't like you in sweats with no make up, why does he deserve your time and money to "look good"? Don't get me wrong, I love dressing up and wearing make up, but I'm all about the sweats-big-tshirt-no-makeup life. I have learned in the past few years, that I am my own person. I am an individual. I love corgis, mine specifically. I love Jesus and journaling. I love Dr. Pepper and frozen pizzas. I love Netflix (maybe a little too much) and I'm a tad OCD. I like Art, and I'm not a crazy sports fan. I'm against abortion and gay marriage. I actually liked the Twilight books and I don't care who knows it! This is me. This is who I am. And sorry, but no matter how much I like you, these are just a few things that will never change about me. You like sweet tea? Awesome, I'll still stick with my Dr. Pepper. You love sports? Cool, I'll watch it with you! But I'm not going to memorize who is on what team and the stats of the quarterback of the Patriots.
Why do we think we have to change who we are in order to keep the guy around? If you're polar opposites, but you love each other, compromise is a beautiful thing. But I will never compromise who I am as a person in order to "please" you. If you make me feel like I'm not good enough because I know absolutely nothing about baseball or NASCAR, you aren't worth my time.
Being single for basically five years gives you a different perspective about yourself and your life. Has being single been my choice? No, not exactly. Which is why I've always asked God, "Why am I not good enough for anyone? Why haven't I met someone who likes me? Why is everyone getting in relationships and getting engaged, yet I'm basically just here dating my dog?" (I love Gus, but like I said, he's a dog). I can't even begin to tell you how many times I've asked God that question.
So here's where I'm going with this. Be good enough for yourself, and you will be good enough for the man you will marry. Learn to love yourself and learn to be an individual. Learn that it's okay to be different than your partner. Embrace those differences, don't change yourself or try to change them. Be an individual with someone else.
You are good enough, but you'll never be unless you love yourself first.
If I had a nickel for every time I asked myself that, I'd have a lot of nickels. But why do we ask ourselves that? Why do we put ourselves through the torture of thinking how we could have done something better, or differently? "If only I had done _______." "If only I had tried harder." "I guess I'm just not pretty enough." "Well, I guess I'm just not good enough for him... But why?"
When we dwell on things that happen, nothing gets accomplished. So why do it? Does it make you feel better to put yourself down? To compare yourself to the girl who got the guy?
When I was in middle school, I had a crush on a guy at church. I was terrible at flirting, but I tried! Oh, there's an open chair next to you? Well, I think I'll just pop a squat and sit there, that way when we pray I can hold your hand. <-- That right there is middle school girl logic. I don't know if middle schoolers still think that way, but hey, it worked didn't it? So long story short, me and that guy never dated. He never returned the feelings I had, and I was crushed. Why doesn't he like me? How can SHE get a guy like that but I can't? So I started to do things differently. I would dress up a little more on Sundays and Wednesdays, to look "cute" for him. I'd actually style my hair, instead of just straightening it all the time. I would even ask my friends to let me sit on the end so maybe, just maybe, he would sit by me. This went on for a couple of years, and looking back now, I realize how much time I wasted trying to impress this one guy, because I didn't feel good enough.
This post isn't about trying to convince you how beautiful you are, and how you are good enough and pretty enough. Because let's be honest, just because a girl writes a blog and says you're good enough it doesn't mean it's going to automatically change the way you see yourself in relation to guys.
But I hope I can give you something to think about.
When we girls like a guy, we automatically think that we have to change our appearance and ourselves to "please" him. WHY. If he can't like you in sweats with no make up, why does he deserve your time and money to "look good"? Don't get me wrong, I love dressing up and wearing make up, but I'm all about the sweats-big-tshirt-no-makeup life. I have learned in the past few years, that I am my own person. I am an individual. I love corgis, mine specifically. I love Jesus and journaling. I love Dr. Pepper and frozen pizzas. I love Netflix (maybe a little too much) and I'm a tad OCD. I like Art, and I'm not a crazy sports fan. I'm against abortion and gay marriage. I actually liked the Twilight books and I don't care who knows it! This is me. This is who I am. And sorry, but no matter how much I like you, these are just a few things that will never change about me. You like sweet tea? Awesome, I'll still stick with my Dr. Pepper. You love sports? Cool, I'll watch it with you! But I'm not going to memorize who is on what team and the stats of the quarterback of the Patriots.
Why do we think we have to change who we are in order to keep the guy around? If you're polar opposites, but you love each other, compromise is a beautiful thing. But I will never compromise who I am as a person in order to "please" you. If you make me feel like I'm not good enough because I know absolutely nothing about baseball or NASCAR, you aren't worth my time.
Being single for basically five years gives you a different perspective about yourself and your life. Has being single been my choice? No, not exactly. Which is why I've always asked God, "Why am I not good enough for anyone? Why haven't I met someone who likes me? Why is everyone getting in relationships and getting engaged, yet I'm basically just here dating my dog?" (I love Gus, but like I said, he's a dog). I can't even begin to tell you how many times I've asked God that question.
So here's where I'm going with this. Be good enough for yourself, and you will be good enough for the man you will marry. Learn to love yourself and learn to be an individual. Learn that it's okay to be different than your partner. Embrace those differences, don't change yourself or try to change them. Be an individual with someone else.
You are good enough, but you'll never be unless you love yourself first.
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